anti-elektra:

also: check with ur partner fairly often to see if ur making them uncomfortable. and when you do this you should Encourage them to speak up like “it’s absolutely okay if you’re uncomfortable, just lemme know i will not be at all upset, it helps me adjust my behavior,” etc.

like just asking “am i making you uncomfortable” doesn’t cut it. because to lots of abuse survivors, to speak up means to be punished, and abusers Frequently tell their victims it’s okay to criticize them but get really angry/defensive/self-righteous when you actually do. you gotta make a good faith effort to make sure your partner feels safe enough to tell speak up abt their discomfort, otherwise it doesn’t rly work or count imo