altonin:

Idk I feel like there’s this assumption that gay men are by virtue of not being as frequently masculine or as aligned w straight masculinity, that gay men are therefore better at communicating emotion and being earnest and gentle w each other, and I don’t think that’s true at all

if there’s one thing my experience of gay male spaces has taught me, it’s that there are stratospheric levels of insecurity and that everyone is so on guard for rejection and it’s exhausting!! I’m really committed to being an earnest embarrassing person about this even at the risk of mockery because I know there are other gay men who feel as I do, that it’s impossible to let yourself go and be comfortable in gay male spaces without a ton of alcohol, that other gay men are not a relief to be around but an active stressor

there’s a superficially very different kind of sexual bravado to straight men, but it is the same basic insecurity and refusal to allow emotionally vulnerability and I think it’s really isolating even for the gay men who seem to flourish in the scene, only to be miserable when they get home

idk my watchword with other gay men has really become kindness & earnestness bc I find all the bravado really tiring and erosive